Even Though This One Guy Said I Looked Like Wonder Woman....
..I'm Really Not.

I read yesterday that a break up is so painful it's like mourning a death, and when I analyzed my emotions, it rang very true. When breaking up you've lost a loved one, someone very close to you, and trying to move on is heart-breaking. You have good moments and bad, and when you think your done thinking about them, they enter your mind out of nowhere and the tears begin to fall. In a way, I believe breaking up can be more painful because there isn't any real closure. That person is still out their living their life, and you can't reach out and wrap your arms around them.

I'm the one who initialized the break up. I shouldn't feel so torn, but random events from the past two days have added to the beginnings of an emotional downfall. When it rains, it pours--- LITERALLY. I woke up to a puddle on my living room floor. It's been dreadfully cloudy and rainy, and now my ceiling is leaking. I've also found two dead roaches in the past two days. The little shits were here when I moved in-- have probably been here for years, and no matter how hard I clean, or how many times I call an exterminator, they keep showing up. And of course they decide to show up now.

Then there is my job. There are many changes being made within the walls of Ruby Tuesday. Changes many people aren't too happy with, and this includes myself. I will elaborate on that later...............but all of this has me thinking about where I am and what I'm doing. Winter is coming fast and I've yet to figure out how to keep my apartment warm. I can't have another $800 power bill. I'm getting sick of this town, and I know I've lost the only person here who fit me just right. I met him by chance, and there is no way in hell I will find another person with my exact interests or passions in a place like Wilkesboro. I need a change, and although I considered chopping off all of my hair and replacing my hymen, It's not good enough. I need new scenery.

So I'm a bit down in the dumps. Chad won't even take my calls, though I had really hoped we'd still be friends. I called him a few times yesterday, and though I had called just to hear his voice and talk to him, I had to save my pride and make up a lame excuse for calling on his voice-mail. And in the few seconds it took his voice-mail to clink and beep (he has no message, just some clicking sounds) I came up with a stupid excuse that probably hurt him even more than I already have. I'm such a stubborn moron.

But screw pride. This is how I feel. I'm not as okay as I wish I were, but I know it's for the best, though lately I've been doubting my actions. One of my faults is that I act on impulse. When I get hurt, I flee, and I felt that fleeing would be much easier than getting hurt over and over again.

I can say I do have one thing to look forward to: I'm going to Winston next Friday night for a visit me and Chad had planned on paying together, but so much for that. While talking to my good friend Jon, AKA Underdogautopsy, until three a.m. this morning, we both decided that a good night on my old high school city was in order. I'm glad to say I have that to look forward to, and thank you so much Jon for cheering me up. I was in no mood to talk to anybody via phone, but it did me a lot of good.

Crap..this was a long post. And since I'm stuck at home all day due to the rain, I will be taking comments, however, they will be screened. And please..I don't need a pity party (there goes that stupid pride again), I just had to get all of this out. I feel a little better already. <3