Sorry-- but there are WAY too many painful memories here and too many local asshats reading this blog. I want to start new with a little more privacy.....

....soooo...

ADD ME BACK!

<3<3<3

* Plus my new username is so much cooler. ;)

---EDIT---

Oh, yeah! I have a new myspace, too. Add me there as well--

www.myspace.com/in_technicolor

So what have I really been up to lately? As I'd stated in my last entry, I've been getting out and doing for the first time in a looong time. After spending a year with an introvert boyfriend and being a mom 24-7, I didn't get out much, and let me tell you-- some things in this crazy world haven't changed one bit.

Me and my friends have done a lot in the past couple weeks. I've been to the local watering hole around the corrner from my apt. quite a few times for dinner and laughs with my co-workers. I've been to one band practice for a local band I'm designing a site for, been to a "Going Away" party for a co-worker, etc.. etc.. I have photos, but have yet to re-size them. Anyway, during my adventures I've come across many-a-man, and SWEET PICKLES ON A POGO STICK!!! Do men EVER grow up?

I'm sure you kids remember Jason, who I dated for a very short time. You know, the guy who wouldn't leave me alone? When I told him me and Chad had gotten back together (for that whole 24-hours), he had the nerve to text me saying, "Well, if you ever break up again, give me a call." Uh. No thanks, pal. I've also been sweated on by drunk guys leaning over me to talk, have been given numbers by men way too red around the collar for my tastes, have been called by men who I thought were friends and turned out to be guys just wanting some action, have turned down free drinks from guys I don't even know, fearing they would expect something from me, and had one guy removed from my back (he was putting his arm around me while I told him not to touch me) by a bouncer. UNREAL!

Where are the sweet, honest guys with that touch of class I keep hearing about? Or is it all a great facade? This is mainly why I've ceased to date. I just want to find that wonderful feeling I had when I first fell in love with Chad. I don't need to be wined and dined or anything like that. I just want to hang out and be respected. Is that really too much to ask?

And so the adventure continues....

Whoa! Have I really been gone that long? To be honest, I needed that unannounced hiatus. I've been extremely busy and have so much to share-- good, bad, ugly-- you name it! It's been a crazy summer, and it's only begun. So let's cut to the chase, shall we?

-- The dating cease is still in action. I broke ties with the couple men I went out dates with because they just didn't fit. Maybe I've become too picky in my old age, but if I'm going to get this (whatever this existance of mine is all about) right, I need to be choosey.

-- I've come out of my sad past relationship shell and have been spending A LOT of time with local friends and co-workers. I miss Aiedyn terribly, but it's nice to get out and bond with people. I've made some new friends, made better friends out of old ones, and have even begun to love some people who I never thought I'd get along with. I may be old and picky, but I'm still and will forever be blossoming.

-- My Mom's apartment in Illinios burnt down last week. Damn..I feel so awful for her. She had JUST gotten back on her feet after some issues, gotten her own place, bought all new furnishings, then just like that it was gone. I don't know my Mom as much as I'd like to, but I love her like only a daughter could love a mother..deeply. Keep her in your thoughts pretty please. :)

-- Me and Chad had one last round of a relationship. It lasted a full 24-hours. I guess we were both confused and thought things would comb over easily, but there is just way too much hurt and distrust between us to mend things. Again, it hurt like hell, as if a scab had been ripped off. But life goes on and one day my tears of sadness will become tears of joy when I find my way back to my bumpy, winding path.

So that's it-- in a nutshell. Web work has been steady and Ruby's is constantly evolving, getting heavly doused with a bunch of corporate crap. But I love my guests. I love my co-workers/friends. I just continue to grin and bare it.

I hope all of you have been well. I need to sit back and get caught up on your journals!! I'm sure I've missed much!

I have to work today, which is one of the crappy things about working part time for a restaurant. We don't shut down for anything except Christmas and occasionally Thanksgiving, but it's all good since I'm off every Friday-Sunday, so I still had my three-day weekend.

Speaking of weekends, I've had a pretty active one. Aiedyn is now with his Father for the summer so I can pretty much get up and go as I please. I spent my weekend talking to friends at the local watering hole around the corner from my apt. & even went to a late showing of Pirates of the Caribbean, which was a pretty good flick, though I was a little lost since I hadn't seen the first one.

As for dating, I've put that on hold for a while. I'm just not in the mood for it. Dating to me feels like an FBI interrogation over a nice meal. "Do you have kids? Do you like this? What do you want from life? Blah..blah..blah.." It makes me uncomfortable because of the pressure behind a date-- making a good first impression, analyzing the other person and wondering what they are thinking, hoping they will like you enough to ask you out again or trying to find a way to carefully break the news that they aren't your type, etc. Perhaps I prefer the subtle approach- meeting someone and being friends and if something happens, it does. If not-- there's no pressure, and I've gained a friend, which is always pretty nice. You can never have too many of those, right?

This evening, Aiedyn will be leaving for his Dad's. A small part of me is thrilled. I need some "me" time and I won't have to wake at 7 a.m. anymore. YAY! Plus I'm swamped with web work and I will have more time for that. But a large part of me is sad. I'm really going to miss him, in fact, we both cried together last night as I tucked him into bed. I will still see him every two weeks, but I worry about him every moment he's not by my side, and due to his Dad's history, I worry even more. I am thankful that he will be staying with his Grands while Gray is at work. They love him to pieces and it's much more nerve settling than him being watched by one of Gray's loopy girlfriends all summer.

Also, I finally have all of the info I need for me and Gray's divorce. I just need to type it in and send it to the company to put together. Then they will send the papers for us to sign and I take them to the court house. It's about time, too! It's been almost two years since the split!

I can already feel that it's going to be a milestone summer. I'm getting a lot of stressful things squared away and my business is hopping. I have a lot to be happy about. :D

Tomorrow is Aiedyn's last day of first grade. I can't believe my baby is growing so fast! Also *whimper* he will be leaving to stay with his Dad for the summer that night. I will still get him every-other-weekend, but I will miss him so. Without further ado..his last first grade photo, dressed as wacky as possible for his school's final fundraiser "The Wacky Walk", where students dressed in their wackiest attire to raise money.


He was the only boy in school with his underwear on his head and a cape. Yeah. I'm a proud mommy.


And for shits-n-giggles...


Peek-a-boo. I soooo love spring/summer. And yes. I HAVE ON A TOP. I adore sleeveless things.

This was quite the busy weekend. I worked, played on the new imac and on a whim, decided to look for a desk. I went to Staples and found a gorgeous L-shaped desk for only $80, reason being, they had a hard time getting rid of larger desks. Of course, the big desk wouldn't fit in my room, and with two computers, I needed more space--- OFFICE SPACE! I Moved everything into the third, unused bedroom in my apt. aka: Chester's room. His toys and bed are now in my room, and what was once bland and boring, is now alive and being put to great use---


Before


After!

( More! )

Choosing a new computer was a tough decision, but thank goodness for having friends who know their computers. After listening to you cats and conversing with some local "computer geek" pals, I chose the computer I'd been salivating over for the past 14 months. I wanted an imac. Case closed. And now I have one!!!



This baby's packing a whole 20 inches...of monitor that is. I also upgraded to 2 GB's of mem and a 256MB graphics card.
(Photo by: Aiedyn --he's pretty handy with a cam, ey?)



And it is what it says it is--- EASY! I figured out how to use my new modem to transfer all of my itunes, bookmarks and photos to my new imac just by reading a few tutorials and have already installed my favorite programs (Flash, Photoshop, Dreamweaver, Illustrator, etc.). If only they made WebPlus for a mac. I'd be set!

Aiedyn is still home sick and I've been here with him, working on websites (two down, two and a few updates to go) playing with the "new man" and enjoying the gorgeous 75 degree weather. Though it was forced, I needed a little vacation.

Oh...and I can't forget the widgets. I think I have an addiction. ;)

<3

I've been home all day with Aiedyn-- The Strep Throat Kid. I don't know what was more fun: Watching Aiedyn vomit his antibiotics out the car window as a lady next to us shielded her eyes, or meeting my new lover.

Me and the new "boyfriend" had a wonderful time bonding today. I hooked up my new modem, started a network betwen my computers and transferred files from my old computer to my new one ALL BY MYSELF! Damn am I talented. ;)

I will have pictures tomorrow, because I will be home again with my sick baby.

Finally..after holding onto the vintage bluebird tat design I've longed for over a year, I went to Carolina Tattoo in Greensboro and had the ghastly flower I had on my left shoulder covered up. Will (aka PRV) who did the tat, was awesome, not only because he was super cool to chat with, but as you can see, he did an amazing job, especially on the shading....





Unfortunately, I won't be able to show it off much because I will be house-bound for the next month. I have four new websites to re-vamp, including the massive one for the film SCREECH OF THE DECAPITATED. I really shouldn't say unfortunately, because I'm super glad to have the work and the film site is going to be a blast to work on.

Also, what I'm proclaiming as my new boyfriend will be here soon to help out. He's being shipped via Fed Ex and will arrive sometime this week. I'm already peeing myself with excitement.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

To your Mommas, your Momma's Mommas, your Momma's Momma's Mommas......

I know it's been a while, but I've been dealing with the roller coaster of life without using my blog as a public venting device, though the roller coaster has been soaring upward this week, leaving me with LOTS of wonderful things to report. Yeah..yeah...so bare with me....

...and unfortunately, I HAVE to work today! BLAHHH!! It was mandatory, as in if I didn't, I could be fired. Keep in mind, my friends, it is the busiest restaurant day of the year, so be patient with your servers and cooks...and for the love of all that is coated in flowers, scented candles, and Mother's Day greeting cards, tip well. I mean, if your Mom drives you crazy, imagine how your server feels. :P J/K

Sorry. I haven't been in much of an LJ mood as of late. I've been drowning myself in work and took some time to play on MySpace a bit last night. I'm still pretty emotional over the break up. It comes and goes I guess. One moment I'm happy, then I'm thinking about Chad the next. I wonder what he's doing, how his day's been and who he's been talking to. It's a huge adjustment and part of me still can't believe it's actually over. But time heals all things, right? It was my decision, and I still know in my heart of hearts it was the right one.

As for dating, I've taken a break from that too. I still talk to Thomas and we may get together next weekend, but I'm still not looking for anything serious. Jason and I still talk-- in fact he stopped by my apt. unexpectedly Tuesday. I was so irritated by it, I gave him the cold shoulder. I hate unexpected guests, especially obsessed ones. I'm trying to ween him off slowly. One of my friends suggested this since some people are more drawn to what they cannot have, which seems to be the case.

I hope all of you have been doing well. I've been reading your entries, but have kept to myself. And today I have web work to do. Yay for $$$ in the bank! :D

I'm going to be posting under lock and key for the next few weeks, because I'm feeling very private. I have much work to do and had the most insane, fun, scary, and over-whelming weekend EVER! And I've come to the conclusion that men are loony. FUCKIN' LOONEY! BAH! Well, unless your on my friends list of course. I'm going to try to be brief, because I could never fit all of this into one post............

It was Merlefest weekend and my town was crowded with bluegrass fans and old friends from my college days. I hung with them at the Merlefest campgrounds where we drank A LOT, ate almost-raw hamburger meat and I caught up with my ex-ex-ex boyfriend Michael, who was infamous for buying me a 40oz of malt liquor for Valentine's Day 1995. I ended up losing my watch and leaving my cellphone (aka-- my ONLY phone) at the camp site. I got three hours of sleep, drove back up to the camp the next morning, only to find my phone wet and unusable for five hours.

I also visited Chad, who was really happy to see me when I stopped by Saturday morning, but was a complete ass when I called him shortly after I left about my phone. WTF? But I can kind of understand. Seeing him again brought back old feelings and I ended up back where I was when I started- sad, crying over him and second-guessing my decision. I became an emotional wreck and after going to Merlefest with Jason, the cooking chiropractor, Saturday night, I ended up at a local bar, head on the counter out of exhaustion, talking to my friend Chris (also the bartender) about love. I don't think I've ever been that low. And also due to my exhaustion (and phone problems), I cancelled my date with Thomas, who understood.

Still with me? Okay.

So-- Jason The Chiropractor is Mr. Clingy McSmotherpants!!! He had been showing up at my apt. all weekend, calling all of the time, texting, and giving me weird hints about how much he liked me after dating me for a week, knowing good and well I did not want a relationship and just wanted to hang out for a while. Then he told me about a wedding band set he'd purchased a few years ago from a friend and how they looked like they would fit my finger. AHHHHHHHHHHH!! Sunday I called him and told him I needed some time to myself.

So-- that was my weekend, in a nut shell. There's much more, but I'll just elaborate later so no one falls asleep on me. ;)

Me: How do you stop loving someone? Is there any way you can just turn it off and stop thinking about them? How do you do it?

The Chris Scott: Oh, that's easy. Just picture them drunk with their hands in the air going "Whoop! Whoop!"


I have a busy week month ahead. I just added three new designs to my portfolio and have three more sites coming up, including a website re-vamp for the film SCREECH OF THE DECAPITATED. Yeah. And that one's a whopper.

Okay--- so Rob Zombie has re-made my favorite horror film of all time. I'm not sure what to do here. Should I bust into a Punky Brewster style Roger Rabbit, or cry like a baby? I haven't decided yet, but the trailer looks interesting:


I'm also debating on whether or not I should continue to wait until August-December to buy a new Mac, or just say screw it and buy a new PC with Windows Vista. I'd LOVE to have a Mac, but my budget would favor if I bought a PC, I already have the programs I need for a PC, and I don't know diddly shit about a Mac except for what Chad has told me, and since we are lacking in the communication department right now, I think buying a Mac would be a bad and expensive decision.

So tell me, kiddies-- if I were to hit Best Buy for a PC this weekend, what would you suggest? Or would buying a Dell over the net be better? I have an HP Pavilion that I bought without any real PC knowledge back in 2002 that may not even make it to August. Hell, it may not make it to next month. Of course, I'm going to get more info until I buy, but still-- would love your opinions. ;)

Okay. I'm officially spoiled. These three-day weekends are so awesome, I REALLY dread Mondays now, however, I just remind myself that the weekend will now arrive in a shorter period of time....

....and speaking of which, the weekend was pretty great. After my fun family night in Boone with Aiedyn and my best friend and her family, I spent Sunday with old friends I hadn't seen in quite sometime. I ran into an old buddy from my college days, now a Chiropractor, named of Jason. He invited me to one of my other old college friends birthday parties, which I wouldn't have gone to since I had Aiedyn, but it wasn't one of those throw-down adult parties. No. My friend Chris Scott was having his thirty-second birthday party at a local park with cake, ice cream and his favorite cereal-- Cookie Crisp. All it lacked was a spotted pony and animal-shaped balloons. While I was there, I ran into several other old friends, and the way we stood, joked and made fun of each other was like old times, except we weren't holding beers. Some of us had kids, others had wedding bands, and my old friend Mark lived in Zimbabwe (did I even spell that right?). It was an absolute blast. Aiedyn even got into what looked like some insane male ritual involving plastic spoons and Styrofoam bowls of Cookie Crisp. Never in my life have I seen four grown men and one child partaking in such silliness, but it was a nice reminder that though our lives had changed immensely, we were still the same loopy-headed people we were when we were in our very early twenties.

Yet still, after another fun weekend afternoon, things still don't feel right. I feel like a lost puppy without a home, approached by random people who look at me and try to pet me, but all the while I'm backing away. I sniff them out, observing their great qualities and listening to their funny stories, but they have nothing on my previous owner. It will pass though. It will take time-- a lot of time-- but I will eventually figure all of this out and maybe let someone else into my world the way I did him. Until then, I guess I'm just going to keep wiping away the tears and continue with the roller coaster.

I can already tell today is going to be a better day. Sunshine is pouring through the window behind my desk and I'm feeling a bit "lighter" and less emotional. I did enjoy my day yesterday, though I was feeling rather blue. I took a nap with the bedroom window cracked, falling asleep to the chirps of neighboring birds and the hum of cars going by. I woke up around 4pm and got dressed, gave myself a pedicure, and drove up to Boone to pick up Aiedyn, who had spent Friday night at my best friend's house.

I chilled at Becca's for a bit, getting the house tour and the low down on how much fun they and the boys had playing. Becca has two sons- one who is six and one who is eight. Add Aiedyn to the mix and it's like The Three Amigos Do Star Wars. When our tummies started to rumble, we all went to a restaurant called Dos Amigos where we at Mexican food (and the worst service EVER) and listened to the boys sing crazy songs. We left about an hour later, getting home in time for me to put Aiedyn down and I went to bed shortly after.

Today it will be in the high seventies again. We will be heading to church in a couple hours and will come home for lunch. I may take Aiedyn to the park later then cook a nice dinner. We shall see. I love warm sunny days where I can just be spontaneous.

My emotions seem to hit me in spurts- right out of nowhere. I was sitting here at my desk drinking coffee this morning when my thoughts started drifting off and my eyes turned into watering holes. I'm not going to lie and say this is easy, because it's not. I had a great day yesterday. I did "retail/food therapy", purchasing a new handbag and some mineral make-up. I ate the most fattening food I could find and engaged in a great conversation with an old college friend I hadn't seen in over ten years. It was a very nice, active day, though even after all of that, I still feel very lost.

I remember sitting across from Chad at his kitchen table, a bit tipsy from beer and scarfing down greasy hash browns from a local 24-hour breakfast joint. From the moment we had our first phone conversation to that moment I stared at him in amazement as I pulled my fork through strings of potatoes, there was this amazing "spark". I've never been a believer in "Love At First Sight", but if it does exist, then that surely could have been what I was experiencing. We had a very strong, unspoken mutual attraction, and now, as I sit here, thinking about my one date and the random people I've spoken to as of late, I wonder if I will ever find that again.

I seriously doubt it. It won't happen anytime soon, anyway. When I speak to other men, I compare them to him. When I look them in the eye to see if something is there other than plain old attraction, I feel nothing. If there is another "spark" out there for me, I wouldn't recognize it right now if it slapped me in the face. Love is blinding in many ways, and this is just another example. I can't let anyone else in to "wow" me yet, because my heart still belongs to him, as if my dating right now is nothing but a distraction to help mend what's beating from the palms of his hands.

I keep trying to call Chad, and I'm not sure why. Habit, I suppose. But when I call, it's odd. I know he won't pick up, and I don't want him to pick up. I wouldn't know what to say if he did. But I find so much comfort in just dialing the number and letting it ring. I guess that's my own personal therapy, because buying things won't fill the void; stuffing my face with my favorite things won't help me find that "spark". I'm not sure what will, or if I'll ever find that again, but I have to stay sane while I wait.

So when I finished letting my brain dwindle and dried my eyes, I decided to surf the web, looking at the weather and other random things I check every morning. For shits-n-giggles, I read my horoscope, expecting the same old obvious crap I read every morning. Instead, I found this:

One of your brightest relationships is dimming, and while you might have an urge to try to rekindle it, it's simply not meant to be -- at least not right now. You have to let yourself let go of this person, and let go of the disillusionment that you're feeling. Do not focus on the new hole in your social life -- focus on the abundant affection, loyalty and honesty that your friends and family give you on a daily basis. Let them know that you're grateful for them.

And oddly enough, me and Chad share the same birthday.

Looks like I'm staying in tonight.

I'm thinking take-out and Reisling. Maybe even a film rental and a pedicure.


The options are endless.....

I'm still getting used to this three-day weekend thing, not that I'm complaining --AT ALL! Last weekend was strange. I had to keep telling myself that Saturday was in fact Saturday and not Sunday. I think three-day weekends should be the norm for everyone. I'm able to get so much more accomplished with one extra day. It's amazing!

I will be spending my Friday making some brief website updates, cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, picking up my heart meds, I may swing by the tanning salon for ten more minutes, and if there's time, I need to update my portfolio with a couple new sites and a new "Design for Sale". Yes. Today will be a fine mix of work and domesticated bliss. Hopefully it will be warm enough for me to open the windows.

As for tonight-- it's still up in the air. Aiedyn will be spending the night with Becca's boys in Boone, so I will have the night to myself. I may go to Winston, depending on what's going on, or I may just relax here. We shall see.

And thanks for all of those ass-bunts. ;) I downloaded my divorce forms yesterday and started filling them out. I'm finished with my part, but need more info from Gray before I can send them off and have them prepared (Yes. I'm doing this myself to save time and cash. I'll give details later).

One more thing--

God Bless Virginia Tech.